


Even if...

by cybergirl614



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst and Feels, Blind Dean, Blindness, Bullied Castiel, Bullying, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, I'm Bad At Titles, Love Confessions, M/M, Not betad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-15
Updated: 2015-12-15
Packaged: 2018-05-06 21:01:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,882
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5430674
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cybergirl614/pseuds/cybergirl614
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cas' best friend, Dean the resident smart ass of their high school, is confident, strong, handsome and well liked--everything the beleaguered Castiel feels he isn't.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Even if...

**Author's Note:**

> Title help, please?

Cas approached Dean, who was waiting on the bench. Dean held out a hand for a high five when Cas called out as he approached. “Hey, Dean.” 

Cas smacked his hand in a return of the gesture, something they’d started doing when Dean had begun to miss. It was small, corny, stupid even, but it was one of those stupid little things Cas loved doing with Dean. Even if he could never tell him that, or why he loved it so much. 

“Hey man, it’s been awhile! How’d the long weekend go?” Dean returned.

“It was OK. Mostly my brothers fighting over where to stop on the trip. I thought it was never gonna be over, to be honest.”

“Damn, that sucks,” Dean mused as he bit his chocolate cone. Cas nodded, mumbling an “Uh-huh,” before picking up his cup of mint ice cream and starting to eat. 

Cas couldn’t help glancing up, seeing Dean’s freckled nose poking out from the bridge of the sunglasses he perpetually wore. These were a cool, sporty new pair, Cas thought, black with green flames on the sides. Dean had a collection going and changed them out every day. Not because he was some pompous self-proclaimed cool guy too good to make eye contact with plebians, but because the light hurt his eyes. He was slowly losing his vision, Cas knew. His long white cane was propped against the bench beside him. 

Maybe it was weird, wrong, even, but Cas loved his eyes, loved seeing Dean without the glasses obscuring one of the most expressive parts of his face  
There was certainly something strange in the idea such a beautiful set of eyes could betray their owner. 

Cas snapped his gaze back to his ice cream, trying not to notice the way Dean licked his lips, tried not to let himself wonder how those lips would feel against his. God, why was everything so hard lately? Why did he have to fall for his best friend like a needy idiot? 

“So, what’s the park look like to you today? For me it’s just completely blurry. Like everything else is.” Dean laughed.

“Hmm, well, there’s….” 

 

“People playing basketball, I know that, I can hear the ball, not many things that make that sorta thumping noise,” Dean said. “And…is that creaking the swings?”

“Yeah, well, I dunno…I guess it is. There’s kids on them.” 

“Awesome. I’m good, told you I’m good.”

Cas laughed too now, letting go of the doubt that festered in his mind. This was Dean. Everything with Dean was somehow easier, lighter, like he could forget the rest for just a little while. 

“And…what about you? I mean we play this game a lot, but…what do you look like?” Dean continued.

“I, uhm, I don’t know…” 

“What do ya mean you don’t know? You’ve seen yourself, right?” Dean cracked a grin at his own wry humor, which Cas would normally have found funny, but right now he just found the idea terrifying. 

Dean knew, didn’t he? It didn’t take seeing his facial expression to know how he felt about Dean, and besides Dean was too attuned to miss that. Did guys normally hang out together at the park? Dean had to know about the whispers the kids at school spread around the hall. And even if he hadn’t been able to read it, he had to know what had been painted on Cas’ locker that day last month. Cas felt almost sick just thinking of it. Why was Dean asking him this? Was it just to lead him on, make him into more of the fool the entire world seemed hellbent on construing him as?

“Well, yes, but—“

“Fine, I’ll go. You’re a little shorter than me. You’re a smudge with dark hair and…well, I dunno what color eyes you’ve got. Can’t quite tell. But even if you looked like a troll, you can’t be that bad, seeing you’re patient with a jerk like me.” Dean elbowed him in the ribs playfully.

A smudge. If anyone else had called him that, Cas would have felt awful, but the way Dean said it, with the frankness and the warmth in his voice made Cas want to reply with all sorts of things he couldn’t begin to say. 

A smudge. He was Dean’s smudge. Or…not Dean’s smudge, he corrected himself. Dean didn’t think of him like that, at least…not as far as he knew. The only problem was, Cas didn’t have the guts to ask. 

They got up and walked over towards the bus station a few minutes later, Dean’s cane swiftly tapping out his route. 

 

They were approaching the crosswalk, which was protected by a stop sign. They were streaming across, when a car approaching up the block kept accelerating, Cas noticed. It showed no signs of stopping. Dean was already halfway across, and all Cas could think to do was yank him back. 

He lunged for Dean’s arm, pulling him roughly back towards him where he stood at the curb. Cas had him fully in his arms, clenched to his chest, his heart pounding from the near-miss, and, well, something else.  
The closeness. He let go immediately. 

 

“Hey!” Dean snapped, angrily jerking away.

“God, I'm sorry. There was a car—“

“You didn’t have to flip out on me, Cas. But damn, the way some people drive. They could’ve fucking killed us, the dumbass!”

He let Dean shake his fist at the car that had already roared away up the block, sighing as he moved away. 

 

“Ugh. Did I hurt your feelings, Cas?” Dean was following close behind him still a few seconds later. 

Cas shrank back into himself hearing that, crossing his arms. Now Dean was taunting him. Why’d he bother hanging around when it was obvious Dean didn’t feel the same way? It must just be more of him being his awkward, awful self. He began to move away, but he felt when Dean’s hand found his shoulder, and didn’t let go.

“Dude, don’t just like walk away.”

“Why not?” Cas blurted, a tiny bit of the hurt he’d felt when Dean reacted harshly like that seeping into his voice.

“Crap. I really did hurt you, didn’t I?” Dean asked.

“Doesn’t matter.”

“What? Course it does, to me, anyways.”

“I’ll get over it,” he shrugged, trying to pull away, but Dean’s hand tightened on his arm.

“Please Cas. I do care, and you shouldn’t have to just get over it so much with the way those idiots treat you.”

“You’re just saying that. You don’t have to feel sorry for me. I’m—“

“I’m not sorry for you, not like that, anyways. Maybe I shouldn’t, but I care. A lot, Cas.”

“You do?” He asked flatly, unbelieving. 

“Hell yeah, I do.” Dean had let go of his arm, moved around to face him. His fingers were gently exploring Cas’ face in a way he hadn’t before, lightly stroking down his cheek beside his nose, as if feeling the tension of the muscles there. “I haven’t really known how to tell you, but…”

“What? Just…say it.”

“Sorry I’m an ass sometimes. I don’t mean that aimed at you.”

Cas let out a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding. “I know you don’t.” The reply came automatically. Of course Dean didn’t hate him. He wasn’t like the rest of the people who loved to make Cas’ life a living hell.

“Oh. OK. That’s, that’s good. But, that’s not all. I kinda…”

Cas sighed, although it came out almost like a snort. What else was there? He cared but he couldn’t be seen with Cas because of the reputation as the school laughingstock that Cas was developing?

“Damn, I—“

“Just tell me.”

“I kinda like you…” Dean finally mumbled, and Cas noticed, through his tear-blurred vision, Dean was turning red. 

“You what?” 

“God, this is awkward, you don’t, uh, sorry, forget I said anything, I—“ Dean was pulling away, and it felt like everything was crashing down onto Castiel now. 

“No, no, no, no…” Cas gushed, his hands finding Dean’s shoulders. “Say that again. Please?”

“I like you, Cas.”

 

“You mean it?”

“H-hell yeah, I mean it!” Dean sputtered after a gut-wrenching pause. “Even if you did look like a troll, not that I think you do.”

Cas gave a wry laugh of relief at that. He could think again…the horrible moment was righting itself, and Dean was easy and funny again.

“I never thought I’d hear you say that,” Cas admitted after a long moment, still trying not to let the desperation leech out.

“Why? You’re pretty damn awesome if I don’t say so myself,” Dean said.

 

“You are too, you know.”

“Pshh, yeah. Sure I am.” Dean scoffed.

“No, you really are.”

“Now who’s the one pitying somebody? Huh?” Dean teased. “You sure it’s not coz I’m a poor little blind boy?” 

“I’m pretty sure,” Cas replied. “I—I’ve liked you since I first saw you. You’re…really hot.”

“Oh, am I? I didn’t know that.” Dean joked. 

“You are. And I’m pretty sure you did know that,” Cas laughed. “The way girls fawn over you.” Or…had. Had fawned might be a little more accurate. Since he started using the cane he’d gotten substantially less attention from the opposite sex, and more pity. Then again, maybe he hadn’t wanted that attention to start with? Cas wondered but could never begin to dream of asking. Had Dean ever liked a guy before? Cas wasn’t sure if even if he somehow could find out, he didn’t want to know the answer. 

“Yeah, so? What’s wrong with wanting to hear that?”

“Nothing. You hardly need an excuse, though,” Cas said, thinking of how many times he’d wanted to say that. 

“Is that so?”

“Yeah, I think it is. I can tell you whenever you want to hear it…” 

“Do you think you can take what you can serve?” Dean asked.

“Huh?”

“Coz I’m gonna be telling you an awful lot,” Dean said, pulling Cas in closer, “How awesome you are.” 

“One last thing, though. Do you look like a troll? If you do that’s fine. But…just so I’ll know, if anybody’s giving you trouble over it, I’ll whack ‘em good.” Dean gave his cane a shake, making Cas laugh.

“I’ve heard a lot of things but they haven’t said I’m a troll. Yet.” 

“OK. Really though, man, anybody screws with you, tell me.”

“I don’t…don’t want you to worry about that…” Cas mumbled, so low his words almost got lost in the sound of a passing car. 

He’d have thought Dean didn’t hear, except his arms tightened around Cas’ shoulders again, as if he could squeeze the pain and uncertainty out of Castiel’s being. He couldn’t of course, but Cas would have been lying to himself to say he didn’t at least appreciate the sentiment, even as he dreaded dragging Dean down the miserable path he already trod.

“Come on, Cas,” Dean assured, guiding him away up the sidewalk towards the bus stop. “Let’s go back to my place. You can help me with the evil freaking algebra Williams assigned.”

“Yeah, I guess so…” Cas murmured, trying to quell the fears that whorled inside of him.

**Author's Note:**

> So yes, I include blindness, although I'm trying really hard to avoid saccharine uses of the trope. I plan to do something a bit more real and a bit more raw with it.


End file.
